1. Piano lessons
2. French classes
3. Cycling
4. Classical dance classes
What do all of the above activities have in common?
5. Violin classes
6. Driving classes
7. Typing lessons
8. Shorthand lessons
9. Welsh lessons
10. Scrapbooking
How about these?
Well, let me tell you. These are all stuff that I began at some point in my life, but did not continue. In my defence, I had to give up the piano because my O Level exams were coming up (that was eight years ago), and I did not like the violin teacher for longer than two classes. I can type well enough, even if it is with one hand, so I didn’t think formal lessons would be of any use, and shorthand was so darn boring! The scrapbook isn’t going anywhere – I’ll get back to it someday, eventually; and I am quite certain that the Universe does not intend for me learn to drive.
See? I told you I was good at excuses; I do ‘defensive’ very well too. But I’ll be damned if I let this blog go off like everything else I’ve listed above and make an excuse for that too.
Almost a month since my last post, but hey, better late than never. So here I go, without further excuses...
I have a problem. Several, in fact, and all to do with my Endless Novel, which has now turned into my Mills & Boon New Voices competition entry. When the New Voices dates were announced, I decided that since my Endless Novel was almost half way done, and I only needed a couple of chapters for the comp, I would start a brand new one for it. It would feature one of the secondary characters from my beloved Endless Novel, and it would be so much fun to create that gorgeous hunk’s story! Then I found it was very hard to let my mind wander between both tales (yes, I know ‘real’ authors write two or more books at once all the time – hmph!), so I decided to enter the original story after all. This way, I figured, even if I got nowhere with the competition, other entrants and even published writers would have commented on my entry and I can use all that advice to make it even more fabulous and then send it to M&B the traditional way.
I went back to my EN and re-read all the parts that I had written. (Oh, by parts, I literally mean random chunks from all over the story. I wrote a synopsis and chapter-by-chapter brief in the beginning, and since have been writing any portion that catches my fancy. Not chronologically, I mean. Is that normal?) And this is what I discovered: I SUCK.
Okay, not me, my MS. I know I’m pretty good. My MA 2nd semester portfolio still makes me cry every time I read it – I’m THAT GOOD (and not at all modest – but hey, I have precious little to be modest about, so what the heck?). So anyway, having come to the realization that even I wouldn’t publish my EN if I were an editor, I decided to start over. I like my story, I like my characters, and I really wanted to give them another chance.
The start was good. I took some good bits and pieces from Draft-1, freshened it up and – I suppose I was having a good day – I managed to write 2500 words in one go. Felt fab. Couldn’t wait to get back to it. But then! Haven’t written a word since, and this was like three weeks ago.
There is this amazing TED talk by Elizabeth Gilbert where she says, among other things, you must do your part by showing up and putting your pen to paper and let your muse do the rest, which it might or might not. I love the idea of making my muse a separate entity (remember Gerard?) so that I won’t blame myself and wallow in self-recriminations when I don’t/can’t write. Show up, she says, and so I did. I sat at my laptop and tried. I typed whatever came to mind. I have read in other writer’s blogs and stuff that you must keep writing, even if it is crap, because you can always edit it later. But you must keep writing. I did that, I went on for maybe 200 words. Then I read it back and deleted it. This went on for a while. And then I gave up.
My problems all come down to this: I know I can write. I’ve done it before and I amaze myself anew every time I read one of my old writings. For me, re-reading my past work is like eating chocolate – it lifts me up and puts a smile on my face. Best of all, it makes me believe I have it in me. But how long must I wait for Mr. Muse to strike?
Should I have kept at the drivel? Just kept on writing for the sake of writing something? This doesn’t make sense to me. Because every time I try it, I just end up frustrated and doubting myself. I can’t stand to keep any of the crap I write, so I backspace big time and in the end have nothing to show for that time.
New Voices begins in less than a week and my entry is nowhere close to being ready. I had intended to write two chapters by this time. I thought I’d spend my final week polishing it and getting someone to read it to pick out typos. And here I am, ready to pull my hair out and dreaming longingly of Gerard darling…
Why does it feel like I'm making excuses again?
Why does it feel like I'm making excuses again?
